Unprepared

I thought I was prepared for this. 

I've had two years to prepare. I've read books, took classes, gotten advice from experienced adoptive parents, I've prayed (dear Lord how I've prayed)....but I'll admit I still was not completely prepared for the rocking of our little world. 

India was amazing and dark all at once. The high of meeting her and holding her in my arms was beyond my expectations! Then the reality of her past and her medical needs hit me hard. I thought we would leave it all behind, that all she needed was a family and somehow that would mend the broken things.

I'll confess that we had a few dark days in India. 

I think we are also mourning our old life a little. It sounds kinda selfish but just grasping the change is hard: no more kangaroos or bounce houses, no more lots of mommy and Logan time, and for a short time no more restful nights or meals without a meltdown or going on field trips with the other kids for a while. 

I also wasn't ready for the physical part of the adoption. Neena only wants me to carry her now and my back is paying the price. Not sleeping, emotionally drained, and back pain makes for a cranky lady. 

In others words, yes I would like some cheese with that whine!!!!

There are moments of bliss, glimpses of a precious promised daughter, of a family chosen for something great by God. But for now we take it day by day. And we pray!

 We pray for rest and a day free of meltdowns and that somehow we will be malleable to the will of God. And we pray for Neena's healing! From the inside out! Their is a lot of spiritual oppression in India and it affected us just the time we were there so I know it has affected her as well.

God has shown me that His Holy Spirit will help us daily as we seek Him in this new chapter.

And He reminds me that He has chosen us for this....we cannot do It on our own but we are called and when He calls, He equips. 

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy. (1 Peter 2:9-10 NIV)