8 months

Oh summer!!

The past two summers we would always say. "Neena's gonna love the pool or this slide or this place or this movie..."

Now she's here and we are enjoying our first summer together!

She is walking and running great!

She is swimming with floaties and jumping off diving boards and sliding down slides! 

It's really been the first time in 8 months that we have all been home together for most days out of the week. 

I thought it would be bliss. And you know at 6:30 in the morning when the house is quiet and I go snuggle with each one of them, it is bliss! 

They are so precious and cute and sweet....when they sleep! And even the first hour after they wake up, it's so sweet with their bed heads and just a simple bowl of cereal keeps them all satisfied!

And then something happens.....they wake up completely and they start arguing, complaining, whining and saying MOM, over and over and over and over! And then mid day the boredom hits and i, trying to be a good mom, tell them to go outside and play and not watch tv! And then outside the drama continues but this time with sharp sticks and me fearing for Neena's bones!! 

Oh Summer! 

Our biggest struggles now are just trying to spend one on one time with each child. So we haven't got the whole four kids thing down yet! And planning date nights have gotten more difficult! So all 6 of us are feeling the strain right now and just needing some bonding time. Or maybe we need a break from each other....I don't know!!! 

And I still struggle so much with Neena's bone disease. I think Her life flashes before my eyes daily and I am a ball of nerves when we venture anywhere where kids run and play! Some of the kids,not Neena,  were playing wall ball  and one of them almost knocked Neena down and I let out this awful gasp and yelled watch out!!!! Like a train had just crashed into another train! I freaked out....and all the kids looked at me like I was a freak! 

I did the gasp and freak out yesterday too!!! 

Let's be honest, I am a freaker outer!! 

Does God want me to be a freaker outer?? Is that opposite of trusting in Him??? Or does Neena need a freaker outer mom?? 

The other day I was having so much anxiety about it, because my other 3 kids are so rough y'all.....they break normal strong bones....they must have super human strength.....they just hurt each other somehow!! So I was just anxious about Neena playing with them without me hovering over her. 

And I felt like God was saying, "you can't heal her! You can't always protect her? Why are your trying to do what only I can do??" And then he whispered to me,"why don't you just love her!! That's what you can do!!" 

I realized that day that somehow I've got to give it all to God and just do what he commands: Love! 

I think I've been so preoccupied with getting her healthy and healed that I haven't loved her enough and haven't been loving like I should! 

Why don't you just love them Nikki?!! That question has penetrated my very being!! Why not? Because deep down maybe I think My ways are higher? or that God doesn't care about little old me?or that His plan isn't good? 

So I have two goals everyday, love her and trust Him! 

And in fact it should be Love others and trust Him! 

What a journey this has been! But who wants to stay the same? Not this freaker outer! 

7 months- healing and news from the East

Neena is now almost 8weeks out from her surgery to fix her left leg where they placed a rod down her tibia. I like to say she's titanium now! I actually prefer to sing it like the pop song, she's titanium!!! If only adamantium were real (only marvel comic fans will get that one!). She has been working hard with therapy and she is walking again and only has a small limp now! It's truly amazing! 

Neena and Logan just graduated from preschool, registered for kindergarten and even survived the 5 year old immunizations today!! It was very surreal and emotional for me to see Logan and Neena walk down the aisle to get their diplomas. It's so silly I know but I had a vision of them graduating high school and college together, my little twin babies!!!

 And the moment Neena actually WALKED down that aisle by herself with 2 good legs and her head held high and her family clapping and hollering for her (they let you do that at graduation in lower Alabama and in fact it's like a competition and whoever has the loudest yells wins)......well let's just say I could hardly breathe from the tears! 

And then we got news from the East...Inida to be exact.....

There was a special little girl we had to leave behind in India named Kirti. Her and Neena were best friends and she is about the only thing she talks about in regards to India. So I looked into what it would take to adopt her and because of rules and well The Lord, we couldn't. I asked my best friends to adopt her and my coworkers! But that didn't work either so me and Neena started praying! Every night we prayed that God would find a family for Kirti and give her a mom and dad that would love her. 

And then one day i am on the phone with my adoption agency talking about some "name change" drama we are having with Neena's legal paperwork, and the lady says, "hold on I just got a child matched to one of my families from India". Then she says that it's wierd she is talking to me because this child is from Neena's orphanage! Then she says her name is Kirti!!

 I.almost.fell.slap.out!!!

We now know that Kirti will be adopted by a family less than an hour from us and I am in contact with her mom and we are all beside ourselves exited!! I just cannot wrap my brain around the faithfulness of God! You always hear that he cares for you and that he cares for the orphan, but this.....This is beyond what we could ask or imagine!!! 

We are sooooo expecting God to use these two girls to change the world. They were meant to be in each other's lives!  

I am still in shock and literally shaking my head right now trying to figure out how two girls, worlds away from us, left for dead and alone, get adopted around the same time after years of rejection and of all the places in this Great big world they will live less an an hour apart!!! In Alabama, no less!! It's too much for my momma heart to hold for now without crying so I gotta just praise him!! 

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV)

Yes and amen!

The 6 month set back

Things were going good and then March 21st....return of the broken leg! My husband was working and it had been a long day of running the kids from one ball game to the next. We all came home and took a rest. When we woke up we decided to go in the front yard to kick the soccer ball around. Then one of the kids went all Mia Hamm on me and Neena took a soccer ball to the belly and fell down. Next thing I know she is screaming, my leg my leg!!! And then I see.....! And it was like That day in India all over! My husband literally drive up about 15 seconds later and we all piled up to head to the ER. (I had a casserole cooking and at the last minute remembered to shut it off! Broken leg and burnt enchiladas are no bueno!) So after a few hours, some pain meds and ketamine, the ortho doc set the leg and splinted it and we all went home. For Neena's info later in life, she was super funny sedated. She kept making fishy faces and when she woke up the very first thing she said was, "my butt itchy!". Then she kept saying, "mom, your butt itchy?" And she talks really loud so now everybody thinks I have pin worms, thanks Neena!! And btw: my butt was not itchy! 

It was the same break, same leg so we had to make a decision about surgery. So on Thursday March 26th Dr. Handwerger put a rod in her left tibia. She had a lot of pain the first 6 hours after surgery but then did great. now she's been in a bright pink cast for almost 3 weeks and we will go in a few days to get it off and start walking with a brace for a few weeks. Another surgery on this leg is inevitable but for now everything is healing well. 

We even decided to not cancel our spring break plans in Gatlinburg. We had a blast!! It was good for our family to get away and make memories! It was still sad because We wanted kids to see Neena as just their sister and have fun together, but that cast just was a constant reminder to her and everyone that she was different. They would run and play in the water and she sits splashing with her trash bag wrapped around the cast. But somehow she still made the most of it and never complained! We have something BIG planned for her 1 year anniversary home and we are praying she will have no casts during that time so she can have fully enjoy herself! 

We are still learning about Osteogenesis and seeking The Lord about his plans for her and praying for wisdom with each decision. 

The break was a set back for her and for us all. But our love for each other has grown! 

You want to know who loves her the most? Logan!! He wants to know where she is every morning. He will do anything for her and I am seeing him bloom into the protective brother and awesome friend we knew he would be!!! 

Also this week Vivian turned 11! Neena is looking forward to her siblings birthdays! She always asks why she didn't get to come to their birthday parties when she looks through old pictures. So she is super excited and literally counting down the days! 

This girl loves her family! And her family loves her! Thank God for setting the lonely in families!! 

A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing; (Psalm 68:5-6 NIV)

5 months is all it took

It only took 5 months for the newness to wear off. It finally feels like its normal for Neena to be just a daughter and sister in the Quinley house! So we are in the zone of life with 4 kids. Just surviving ball practices and errands and family life! 

So now that we are normal, our life is pretty boring. 

She no longer has bad dreams and screams in the middle of the night...she rests peacefully!

She has learned to accept discipline better and we don't have screaming fits with the word no!

She loooves being the center of attention now instead of shutting down in public (which is getting on her brother and sisters nerves)!

She can pee in a western toilet without fear of being sucked down into the black hole!! 

She  loves the water, bath, showers and swimming pool....I mean I will never forget the blood curdling screams in india when I tried to put her in the shower and having to sponge bathe her from a bucket the first month or two she was home!! 

She eats anything....except bacon?? Go figure! Since I got pretty good at chaval and daal the first few months home, I am kinda sad she doesn't want it anymore!

So just your typical family here! 

But there are times when I still find myself just staring at her hands and feet and holding her tightly as I remember how we longed to hold her in our arms for so long! 

And sometimes my heart still aches to have known her as a baby. What I wouldn't give to have held her when she was a newborn and reassure her that she was wanted. Or to have seen her first steps and heard her first word and teach her that mama and dada should be in her vocabulary. 

Now that the initial chaos is over, this month more than any other, I have found myself going there....for better or worse, thinking about the missed years and her birth parents and their story and all the unknowns around it all. I keep seeing this sassy, outgoing,"in it to win it" 5 year old at 5 days old left alone, crying and cold in the street. It's destroys me for a moment! 

But then I see this sassy, outgoing, "in it to win it" 5 year old beauty who has survived! She was loved by some amazing people at the orphanage and we get to love her and care for her the rest of our lives!

She is changing this family! We are all being made new and learning about true love and redemption! 

Keep making us new in every way possible Jesus!! 

You called me out upon the waters...........

 

4 months home...what in the world?

Neena's new favorite phrase is "what in the world?". (She says: Vut in vorld!!) I can't imagine who she gets that from....me, grandmothers, southern people.... It's everywhere around here! She doesn't say "y'all" yet but you know it's coming. 

So this month Neena has been talking a lot about India. Things she didn't have or did have. And she,as usual, keeps asking me to go to India and be Kiriti's mom too!!! I'm trying to think of a legal way but so far I've got nothin! And pools and beaches are things they didn't have in India. So we took her to orange beach and she loved it! She ran and chased sea gulls and collected seashells like a pro. The waves, the smell, the sand between her toes.....it was almost too much to handle! she's been asking to go back since we left! 

The pool was scary for her but after a day or two she would let us get in as long as she clung to our side for dear life. And then she would ask, "when beach?" And she was pretty fond of her cute self in her bathing suit. And she was super cute!! 

Interestingly this month she forgot her Hindi! So strange! We aren't sure if she truly doesn't remember or if she's just refusing to speak it. As of now, Logan speaks more Hindi than she does. But he also speaks British and African at times so, I'm not surprised! 

Her leg....it is strong y'all! She has had several falls and nothing has broke and she loves to do her physical therapy and I just know God is strengthening her daily! 

Her teeth....she had her first dentist appt and she had an abscessed tooth that needed to be removed so she survived that and her permanent teeth look unaffected by dentogenesis!! Her teenage self shouts, hallelujah! 

It's so funny (as in deliriously funny not funny haha) that after years of paperwork to get our children here, there is still more to do afterwards. So we are working to get a SS card, birth certificate and legal name change so she can be a Quinley and no longer FNU (family name unknown). I'm on a lot of lists in this country...crazy lady who calls everyday list, mom who has sent 15 billion emails about this list.....woman who can't take "I don't know" for an answer....yea I'm on the list because no one knows how to easily make this name change happen without making me fill out more papers, hire lawyers and pay fees! Okay...rant over! 

I get so caught up sometimes in trying to embrace her as my own that I forget she was on her own for almost 5 years. I think it's easier for me not to think about it. She told my husband that she remembers waiting and waiting for us to come get her in India. And I feel the need to apologize to her, but God knows we tried! People ask me if I love her like my other children. Or if I loved her instantly. The truth is, I knew deep within me that she was my daughter on paper and in pictures. We fought for her like her life depended on it. But I can't force those feeling of love to come. And I know from other experiences that love is not a feeling nor should it be. It is still sometimes strange how our family dynamic changed forever in an instant. I know that I will love her with all my feelings one day soon but it is different than when I birthed a child. But love is love, no matter how you get to that conclusion! 

 And Sometimes the greatest loves are the ones that start with faith. And that is where we are. We are learning to love....by faith we love...And every now and then there's a moment...a moment of love that's undeniable.....

At bedtime a few weeks ago Vivian wanted me to read her favorite book, I'll love you forever" at bedtime. So I did, but 2-3 pages into it Neena says, "me no like this book". When asked why she says, "me no baby and no mom india"! Heartbreaking.....so as my heart lumped in my throat I didn't say a word. Then I scooped her up in my arms and rocked her back and forth, back and forth, back and forth and sang...I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be! 

The goal of this is love, which comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith. (1 Timothy 1:5 NIV)

3 months home

She's only been here 3 little months! But she has come sooooo far!

She and Logan sang in her preschool christmas program. I was a nervous wreck! It was her first time walking without her brace and I just knew she would fall down the steps and break a bone!! And everybody would see bone poking out and blood all over the place......my mind is disgusting I know! And I figured she would shut down when she saw all the people staring at her. But she didn't fall, she survived and I survived and she sang the snot out of jingle bells!! You've never seen such singing! It was hilarious! She may not have known the words but she sang something the whole time! 

And she's walking!! Free from all splints, casts, braces! She's not walking normally yet but we are starting physical therapy today. Her genetic test did come back confirming the diagnosis of Osteogenesis Imperfecta Type 1. 

And she loves being able to get around. I can hardly keep her from skipping jumping climbing all over town. She has fallen quite a few times being a little too speedy and wouldn't walk on her leg for a few days and then she would be ok. I get nauseated everytime she falls and Automaticlaly think she's broken something. I shouldn't go to the negative but I'm working on that.....well The Lord is working on me about that anyway! He has protected her time and time again over the last few weeks! 

Other events this month....baby's first christmas! She got a Barbie jeep, lots of baby dolls (which she named after her favorite babysitter Anna, aka"everybody's Anna"), and a  kindle (she pronounces it Keeeendle). She did so great going from party to party.  Then Christmas Day she just suddenly laid down in the middle of the floor and slept for 2 hours. Talk about overstimulated! 

New favorite words: why? Why? Why?, No, No, No! What you doin? 

Logan and Neena are starting to realize that they can be friends and playmates. And when they are alone they play together sometimes, more than last month at least. But when others are around they constantly fight for attention and fight fight fight! I mean they fight about how the other is looking at them, not eating or eating their food, talking too loud, singing "my song", not singing it right, and then 2 seconds later they will be building a fort together. It is getting better. 

Logan started talking with an accent to match Neena's. It's more African than Indian but it's funny none the less. And she says come ON Like a true southern, "come  oWN"!

We had our first post placement adoption visit and in case you don't know, we have to continue post placement Adoption stuff until she's 18. Crazy! So on our 3 month visit, Neena didn't want to go back and we wanted her to stay here! We still have some behavior issues on both sides of this family, I can be pretty bratty sometimes too, but we are in this for the long haul! 

It's pretty amazing when we just stop and look at this beautiful child and see the plan God is unfolding for all of us before our very eyes! Generations have been changed! 

2 months home

Neena is now 2 months home! Gosh we've had some milestones!

Her cast was removed and she is now in a splint and hopefully soon, a walking brace! We can move onto physical therapy and piecing together all the medical issues!! We should have the genetic tests back soon  and so far all her labs and tests have been so encouraging. 

I think one of the major hurdles to us bonding has been her medical problems. I think when she refractured her leg in India, it caused her to bond even more with Erin and I and that really was a blessing! And She hasn't looked back since we met her at the orphanage! She's just gonna be that brave fearless girl who is up for anything! 

But for me and the kids, we had plans to "tiptoe throught the tulips" or at least run and play together and with her being unable to walk, it changed things quickly. I had to carry her everywhere and Logan got jealous immediately. She couldn't keep up to play with the big kids. No playing chase or riding bikes and every time they ask to go somewhere it's usually, "let's wait until Neena can walk to do that". 

So she finally got her cast off and started walking a few weeks later, around thanksgiving!!! It has been so good for everybody. I think now the kids are starting to see her as a 5 year old girl, a sibling! She is no longer just mom's attachment she brought home from india!  We are still being very cautious with her activity...but she is 5, in a new place with lots of toys and playthings and she has been immobile since the first of September....she would be riding bikes and jumping on the trampoline if I would let her. But for now, walking will have to do! Also I think she feels less vulnerable being able to get places on her own. I can't imagine being handicapped in a world full of unfamiliar faces and unable to fully communicate, all while mourning the only life I had ever known! So since she's been walking things have been so much smoother! 

So this month.......... 

I held her hand and walked with her for the first time! Hand in hand...heaven!

She had her first bath! And shower! (Which she loooves and can NOT go a day without)

She helped put up her first christmas tree and learned to sing jingle bells! She is all about some karaoke! And she can tell you who's birthday is on Christmas!

She says a very shortened version of "the blessing"at dinner. 

Her and Logan played...that one time! 

She started preschool 2 days a week! And she has her first friend, Nevaeh! And I was told she tried to escape the whole first day. (I mean, where was she going?)

She started talking about us ALL going back to India to see Kiriti. (Dear lord!)

She is speaking ALOT of English! Short phrases now. I mean she is sooo smart!   

She met her Pop and fell for the old 4 wheeler trick!

I know I missed a lot of "firsts" in her life, and that can make me sad to think about, but We are excited to experience a lot of new firsts with her!