1 year Home!

I've been thinking back to one year ago when we touched Neena for the first time. When I saw her through that window and how I ran to her and she smiled and hugged me like she would never let go!  The joy that filled that little room as we played the next few hours. With her little pony tail and bangles and bright blue cast. How she got so jealous when her roommates tried to talk to me or sit in my lap or touch my jewelry. 

How we had to leave her behind one more night. We were so nervous the next morning to pick her up and bring her with us! But she was ready! And now we know that's just who she is! Ready for anything! A brave girl who's not afraid to try new things. Who covers up her fear with fake confidence. She knows how to take care of herself (she thinks), and would love nothing better than to take care of everyone else!

I think about the fear and grief that Erin and I felt when she broke her leg the first step she took in our care. The waiting for hours in a delhi ER. The kindness of the orthopedic doctor. The glares from others who wondered what we were doing to this child that looked like them but not us! The screams and cries from a child that was mine but that I didn't know. I didn't know how to help her or how to comfort her. But somehow in the fear of that moment Neena felt loved and connected to us I think, she instantly knew that we would never leave her! 

She called me momma from the moment she saw me and called herself Neena from the start. And to think for months before we left we had stressed about what to call her or what she would call us. And we were sure a 20 hour plane ride would be a disaster! But she couldn't wait to get in that airplane and it was a breeze! 

I remember Neena being afraid of showers, western toilets & strollers and how she couldn't submerge in water for the first 6 weeks because of the cast and that when she did finally get a bath how she laughed and laughed! And all the nastiness that became that bath water.......wow!

I remember how she latched onto Vivian's hand the moment she saw her. she finally had a sister! A sister is a powerful thing and she somehow knew it! 

I remember she slept 22 hours the next day. The nightmares and screams that went on the first few weeks. The jealousy between her and Logan. How my heart broke that I couldn't let her see me hug him and couldn't help her understand it was ok to love them both! 

We don't know much about her birth or childhood. But we know about her being birthed in our hearts so many years ago. And we know how she's grown and changed this last year. She is in bloom! The last puzzle piece to our little family of 6! 

And we will celebrate her 6th birthday next weekend! And I will try not to cry! 

No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. (1 John 4:12 NIV)