When I think of this adoption process; of Neena; of this faceless dearly loved child, Psalm 139 comes to mind: You knit me together in my mother's womb & all the days of my life were written in Your book before one day even happened! Hence the title of this massive Premier Post on this blog.
I've read a few blogs about Indian adoptions and its crazy to find some similar stories, not so different from our own. Of course that doesn't make our story any less special, just reminds us that its the same author writing these books. And The author I'm referring to is the one true God. Lets just get this out of the way, i am one of those Jesus freaks, one of those no coincidences kind of people. All of this is ultimately Gods plan & all for his Glory! Our family has experienced God in so many ways and he's the main event of our story so there will be no "higher power" or deity references other than the God of the universe! This blog is meant to encourage fellow adoptees, document this journey for family & friends and somehow bring honor to God, the master mind behind it all!
It all begins with 2teenagers, you know the story, boy meets girl, they date, they dream.......the girl obsesses about the wedding & has the exact number, gender & name of all future offspring planned out!!! I remember the first conversation Erin & I had about our future life. Probably 17 or 18 years old sitting in church, writing notes. Writing my future name a bazillion times. We both agreed 6 kids would be enough (ah!) and from that very first encounter I said, "we will adopt for sure"!, Erin pipes in "yea" (not sure it wasn't a teenage boy hormonally driven yes, but regardless he agrees) He says," it will be a girl" and I say "her name will be Nina"! (Now later she has a spelling change when we find out Nina is an Indian word meaning beautiful eyes but spelled Neena!)
Fast forward throughout years of courtship & pre-married life and you will find numerous conversations along the same line & each family planning session would include Neena. We also planned to have a namesake for Erin whom we'd name Luke. Erin indeed got his namesake Luke & 2 other unimaginably awesome kids.But ya know, then you grow up & the honeymoon ends, the real world hits. Blah, blah, blah! By 2011 we have 3 kids- vivi 7, Luke 4, Logan 16 months. That 3rd kid btw.....was a doozy! just totally changes the game. as my pastor says we went from man to man to zone defense! Somehow, as the reality of having a crazy life with 3 kids sank in, adoption was no where near our radar!
That was until....November 2011. An ordinary day, up at the crack of dawn on a Saturday with the 16 month old non sleeper. I was praying & reading the bible. While praying for my kids I heard something within me out of the blue say, "hey, remember you are supposed to adopt"? Now I don't know about you but I'm from a small country town, wilmer,al, so God has to kinda talk to me like Si from Duck Dynasty! Weird, I know! So I remember looking down at my 16 month old I'm holding & thinking, what?? I've got 3 kids & this is crazy, so here's my number call me later!!
I would like to say that I immediately prayed & fasted but instead I rationalized that the voice was actually my lack of sleep talking & I just went on. But every morning, I would sense the same call, hear the same voice.... this is usually how God works with me & Erin, we are a little slow & don't get it the first time so we know its God when We just can't let something go! If it keeps coming up & then we see a movie about it, its on the news, our friends randomly talk about,....well that's usually our huge neon flashing sign from God to do it!!
So after a few weeks of this I get up the nerve to tell Erin, Just knowing he would laugh or ignore me! But instead he says, "ok, lets do it". I have to admit that he really let me down on this one, I mean, you think you know someone & then they say ok....ok!!! Now I will tell you we didnt really know anyone who had adopted & I didn't know where to start. So I did what any intelligent prayerful, god fearing person might do....i googled it!
I got a bunch of adoption packets mailed to me. Erin and I start reading through them & figuring out how much stuff cost, how Long it takes, how much it costs & how much it costs...did i mention how much it costs!!! So the very first decision we made was Where to adopt? Easy in thought, first choice was USA! Woo hoo. It's cheaper, lots of kids needing families, it's cheaper. Did I mention its cheaper! But you know, something within us, called the Holy Spirit, was guiding us with every decision and both of us did not feel right about an American adoption. So then we get an international adoption packet. And I say, yes Africa! We've been to Africa & we loved it! In fact, long story but Erin has felt drawn to missions in Africa so I had it all figured out.... Perfect plan....adopt from Africa, tell people the good news of Christ in Africa....Done! But Erin did not feel right. It's important to be united in every decision as a couple. There's a wise saying that in marriage, 2 yeses are a yes but one no is a no. We look at just about every country open to adoption and at that time India was still closed to international adoption. So one night Erin mentions Morrocco, because honestly we think those people are beautiful & at this point we are running out of countries. Somehow in my Internet search that night, we stumble upon India. (Again, from wilmer,al & geography may not have been my best subject). I seriously have no logical explanation for how we pursued India, no voice from God or Si this time.
I search agencies that work with India & find not many (which I later learn was because of the hold on international adoption there). Except I see one in fairhope, al which is 45 minutes from us. So on a whim one Friday late afternoon I call just to get them to send a packet in the mail. A woman answers & I say I want some info about their agency. She asks what country? And suddenly I feel put on the spot like all this pressure for me to decide! I mean what if i say Africa, should i ask about Morrocco, i mean don't know anyone in India?? Then she says, "I mostly do India".
At that moment a familiar feeling rushes over me..... The very presence of God....his Holy Spirit..... and He immediately gives me the peace I need to say, " That's exactly what I need information about; India!"
So begins our paper pregnancy. Officially in february 2012!
We knew nothing & I mean nothing about adoption & still I don't use the proper lingo & I'm always asking my agent what this means and what's next.
Now 16 months into this process after tb skin tests for all the ninos, finger printing out the wazoo, money, deadlines, notaries & more, we are paper approved to adopt! Now we hurry up and wait!
There are days I get frustrated with the 3 kids I already have & think, what am I doing, am I crazy!! Or I start to ask will this ever happen, its been so long, or are we doing the right thing.... All those doubts the enemy uses to take away the blessing, to minimize that thing God spoke to you & you alone!! Every time those doubts came, my God sent something or someone to confirm the decision. As small as a "made in India" inscription on my notebook. Sounds silly, but Something just for me, cause that's how God is! He gets you, He knows you, He provides for you. He's not like anybody else in the world. If you don't know him, man are you missing out! It's pretty awesome to be a child of the God of everything. Adopted into the family. And it's cool cause he sought me out, he paid the price, did all the work to make me his daughter and now we get to experience some of that for our adopted daughter (of course a much smaller scale)!
It seems strange that a dream of 2 teenagers to adopt a little girl named Neena would ever become reality. Many are the plans of a man but when it's Gods plan, it will happen! He orders the steps! His plan succeeds! Not every wild hair we have will happen or should happen. But those God dreams should & they most certainly will!
He has been, & even now is, preparing this family for Neena. We have not seen her face, we don't even know if she's been born, but she was birthed in our hearts years & years ago and we will wait. She is worth the wait! And while we wait, we will worship the guy who planted that seed in us. The one orchestrating this life, always working behind the scenes. We will worship The Lord God and wait.......... and probably fill out a lot more papers & write a few more checks..... But we will wait, with hope, we will wait! And for all you other folks that are waiting for your adopted child to come home, or your biological child to come home, you will wait, like the prodigal son's father, waiting &ready to feast & celebrate! And may the waiting make us stronger & push us closer to our Father!
We could get a call today or yesterday, and that would be it!! But we know that God has a perfect timing for this. He's had it all figured out, this plan for Neena in our lives. he's had her big sister & brothers & aunts, uncles, grandmothers picked out. She's got a family that's gonna love & cherish her. So I know it's in His timing, the Neena plan......Of course that doesn't mean I won't pray, let today be the day......
