The past two summers we would always say. "Neena's gonna love the pool or this slide or this place or this movie..."
Now she's here and we are enjoying our first summer together!
She is walking and running great!
She is swimming with floaties and jumping off diving boards and sliding down slides!
It's really been the first time in 8 months that we have all been home together for most days out of the week.
I thought it would be bliss. And you know at 6:30 in the morning when the house is quiet and I go snuggle with each one of them, it is bliss!
They are so precious and cute and sweet....when they sleep! And even the first hour after they wake up, it's so sweet with their bed heads and just a simple bowl of cereal keeps them all satisfied!
And then something happens.....they wake up completely and they start arguing, complaining, whining and saying MOM, over and over and over and over! And then mid day the boredom hits and i, trying to be a good mom, tell them to go outside and play and not watch tv! And then outside the drama continues but this time with sharp sticks and me fearing for Neena's bones!!
Oh Summer!
Our biggest struggles now are just trying to spend one on one time with each child. So we haven't got the whole four kids thing down yet! And planning date nights have gotten more difficult! So all 6 of us are feeling the strain right now and just needing some bonding time. Or maybe we need a break from each other....I don't know!!!
And I still struggle so much with Neena's bone disease. I think Her life flashes before my eyes daily and I am a ball of nerves when we venture anywhere where kids run and play! Some of the kids,not Neena, were playing wall ball and one of them almost knocked Neena down and I let out this awful gasp and yelled watch out!!!! Like a train had just crashed into another train! I freaked out....and all the kids looked at me like I was a freak!
I did the gasp and freak out yesterday too!!!
Let's be honest, I am a freaker outer!!
Does God want me to be a freaker outer?? Is that opposite of trusting in Him??? Or does Neena need a freaker outer mom??
The other day I was having so much anxiety about it, because my other 3 kids are so rough y'all.....they break normal strong bones....they must have super human strength.....they just hurt each other somehow!! So I was just anxious about Neena playing with them without me hovering over her.
And I felt like God was saying, "you can't heal her! You can't always protect her? Why are your trying to do what only I can do??" And then he whispered to me,"why don't you just love her!! That's what you can do!!"
I realized that day that somehow I've got to give it all to God and just do what he commands: Love!
I think I've been so preoccupied with getting her healthy and healed that I haven't loved her enough and haven't been loving like I should!
Why don't you just love them Nikki?!! That question has penetrated my very being!! Why not? Because deep down maybe I think My ways are higher? or that God doesn't care about little old me?or that His plan isn't good?
So I have two goals everyday, love her and trust Him!
And in fact it should be Love others and trust Him!
What a journey this has been! But who wants to stay the same? Not this freaker outer!
